Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Fuck That Movie!

Yesterday, I took the liberty of treating myself to a movie....alone. Most people would view that as a sad, pathetic, and incredibly loserish act. Not I. I bought myself popcorn, sat in the middle of the row, kicked my feet up and watched the Will Smith blockbuster I Am Legend. Fuck that movie! Okay, although it was a well-made movie, I went in having absolutely no idea what to expect. I was under the preconceived notion that this movie was about a man wandering the desolate streets of New York. Nope! Suddenly zombies kept popping up to and fro scaring the bejesus out of me. Fuck that movie! I spilt my popcorn twice, covered my eyes, and nearly wet myself. Fine, I admit the damn movie has been out for a solid 3 months, so I should have known better. But in my defense, the combination of a cute dog and an A-List star has always proved wholesome and delightful for me (et al. Tom Hanks in You've Got Mail, the upcoming Marley & Me with Owen Wilson, Legally Blonde!). Not I Am Legend. Fuck That Movie! Thereafter, the nightmares ensued, the zombie faces haunted me in my bedroom, and don't even get me started on that poor dog.

Fuck. That. Movie.

P.S. I give it 3 1/2 stars...

Monday, March 17, 2008

The New Work Visa

Unfortunately, traffic in Los Angeles is inevitable. It comes with the territory. It's that annoying side of coleslaw that comes with your burger (you don't ask for it, but it's always there). Therefore, us LA-iens have a lot of time to think while driving. I know, thinking isn't always the safest on the Los Angeles roads, but it sure beats the hell out of texting, reading, and/or putting on make-up, right? Anyways, while I was thinking I came up with a 5-point plan to sift those city-clogging thousands that easily lift right out. No, I'm not talking about immigration issues. I'm talkin' worse! The aspiring industry "professional". You know, the (aspiring) actor. The (aspiring) writer. The (aspiring) filmmaker. As the years go on, the city increasingly becomes a competitive battle ground - any one of us willing to hold an Uzi to someone up for the same role or job.

Therefore, I propose this: The Industry Visa.....okay, hear me out. People flock to this city with the sheer determination to make it in the film industry. They recount the days when they impersonated their favorite film characters in their bedroom. Or, like me, grabbed their parent's run-down video cameras and pretended they were the next Spielberg. The sad truth is, only a sliver of those big-dreaming children will actually smash through the Hollywood walls. Rarely does passion, talent, and opportunity meet. Mazeltov if it does, but if it doesn't, how long should that person wait until changing life plans?

What if, instead of continuously attempting to gain access into the professional actors club, you're given five years (FIVE. No more, no less.) to make something happen for yourself. If within those five years, you're fortunate enough to move forward into your career, your Visa is extended (If not made permanent depending on the role). If, by the end of those five years, that person still hasn't had any luck, their Visa would expire and they would leave Los Angeles.

Oh stop. Don't think of me as some horrible monster. It makes perfect sense and unless you've experienced living in this city amongst the heavy traffic, you'll never understand. In any case, I'd make that gamble. If nothing happens (and I mean nothin'), I'll have to strategize my next step and, with hope, have better luck in the next chapter.

Here's prayin' it doesn't come down to that...

Friday, March 14, 2008

Something in the Oven

How hot is Oprah's Big Give host and designer Nate Berkus? I'd like to roll him out, sprinkle him with flour, lay him in a pan, and put him in the oven at about 425 degrees for a mere 40-50 minutes please.

Then add sliced apples for flavor ;)

Monday, March 10, 2008


Project Runway is one of my favorite, if not the favorite, reality show on television. So you can imagine my excitement when I learned that this season's winner Christian will be fronting his own show on Bravo. Check out this preview

Wednesday, March 5, 2008


Within the past few weeks, I've noticed a very suspicious coincidence that has been looming in this presidential primary race. And no, I'm not referring to McCain's wife's botched botox. I'm speaking of the uncanny similarities between Hillary Clinton and Eva Perón. Make no mistake, I'm a humongo fan of B-Rack too, but I can't help but notice that Hillz' tough leadership skills mirrors that of Evita!

Item #1: The appearance. Are you telling me, that the golden locks and pale skin is a mere coincidence? I think not. Their likeness - everything from their stern body movement to their articulate speeches - is strong evidence suggesting that a true leader exists.

Item #2: The husband. Long before Bill, Juan Perón was a political figure in Argentina (please refrain from busting out the Evita soundtrack: "What's new, Buenos Aires?"). Like Hillary, Eva was a prominent figure in her husband's campaign. And although Bill had his sexual-escapading flaws, Juan wasn't necessarily portrayed as a saint - he was unjustly imprisoned.

Item #3: Running for Office. In 1951, Evita set her sights on earning a place on the ballot as a candidate for vice-president. In fact, she was encouraged by everyone. Sound familiar?? Like Hillary, Evita soon received the nation's support. Yet, eventually declined the nomination. (uh oh...)

I will concede for a brief moment and admit that Evita was probably better liked than Hillary Clinton. That being said, I'm confident Hillz has the sure-fire determination, iron fist, and political knowledge to run the White House. Yet the question remains: Like Evita, can Hillary prove to be the electable candidate as well as the "Spiritual Leader of the Nation"?

Only time will tell.