Fashion Road Kill

With fashion week less than a month away, I thought it essential to write about the fabric we have draped on our backs. Okay, maybe not the fabric we own. Well, unless Dolce and Gabbana is thinking about incorporating synthetic fibers into their line. Can you imagine? Target couture meets Ross 'Dress for Less' chic. Anyways, what better way to capture the real essence of high-end fashion than to examine and dissect the lovely looks of the upcoming Sex and the City movie. Even if one single item of Carrie Bradshaw's wardrobe costs a month's rent.

Let the runway show begin...

1) Can we take a moment and just stare, transfixed, at Cynthia Nixon's dress. I'm thinking costume designer, the Patricia Field, was simply doing her part to help the environment. By using solar panels instead of fabric, she's reducing costs from the studio's electricity bill. Wow, quite the environmentalist that Patricia. As far as Carrie Bradshaw's outfit is concerned, I'm only focused on one thing. Or rather, attempting to avoid focus on one thing - that vomit-inducing monstrosity she has strangled around her neck. Seriously?

2) Love this! It's very new-age Get Smart meets X-Tina Aguilera (post skank). Any reason to wear knee-high, stiletto boots without requiring a bed-side deposit beforehand, and I'm on board. 3) I'm a big fan of this dress. The color's gorgeous. She looks amazing. But I can't help but wonder...did someone forget the starch? 4) Is it me, or does Carrie's flower keep growing?! Attack of the killer accessory!! I mean, it's as big as her head! Let's tone down the mutant blossom broaches, and spend more time focusing on the fierce footwear.

5) Charlotte, love the purse. Tell me, how many characters were slaughtered off Sesame Street just so you have a bag to carry your gajunk in? Honestly, though, the foursome actually look pretty cute here. Their shoes are all uh-mazing. Especially Carrie's. What's up with her skirt though? Exactly how much helium does she have packed away up there? Any moment, I feel like she's just gonna take off.

P.S. I can't imagine Patricia Field using fo-fur. I wonder what kind of paint-throwing, scene-raising, blood-splattering plans PETA has up their hemp sleeves. Can't wait to find out :)

6) Speaking of a flying Carrie Bradshaw, I'm quite taken by her chicken jacket. I'm being serious! Ooh, I'm totally in the mood for Popeyes for lunch. 7) Yet another example proving that Patricia Field is going green this year. The only thing I can't wrap my head around...what the hell kind of shiz can you fit in that Eiffel Tower purse? I'm thinking it's purely aesthetic. 8) This is casual Carrie. Cute, huh? Even if it does look as though she stepped knee-deep in grout. *Side Note* Notice how she's wearing the same shoes in every single photo. That's so unlike you Carrie! Although, it's quite economical. What's next? The same outfit worn twice in one month! That's blasphemy!

9) I saved the best for last. To quote my heterosexual lover: "Honest to blog", this wedding dress is fan-freakin'-tabulous. It makes all of Vera Wang's prior work look like prom dresses. However, how obvious is Patricia Field's feather fetish? Talk about a hard-on for poultry apparel. Eh, it's all breezy. That obsession is easily forgivable. Corduroy. Now that's unforgivable.

All in all, I am ecstatic for this movie. I'm a devout follower of the series, and I'm almost certain I'll love the film. Hell, the ensemble's ensembles are reason enough to spend the $12.50. Remain unconvinced? Think of it this way. By seeing this movie, you'll be supporting Patricia's five point plan to ending global warming. Simply by dressing hot.

Now, to leave you with my number 10. The Sex and the City movie teaser. For those who've been abstaining from the sex and haven't seen it yet.