And the train wreck goes to...

What a lackluster year for the Academy Awards. If it wasn't for my hetero lover and Marion Cotillard winning, I'd have thrown myself out the window. Okay, it wasn't that terrible. It had it's moments (Amy Adams, 'Once' performance, many of the presenters almost eating shit on stage). Another highlight (or low light depending on how you look at it) was the best and worst dressed of the night.

On that note, my picks...

WORST DRESSED:

5. Make no mistake, I have a non-describable (if not a tad inappropriate) love affair with Julie Christie. She is without a doubt the most gorgeous Oldie McHottie on the market. But even screen legends need a little fashion advice. Her ruffle-rut would look aiight if those ghasstly flesh-eating gloves weren't taking over her arm. Nevertheless, she's still purtty. Although I thought Marion deserved the Oscar (slightly) more, Christie was a talented little bitch in Away from Her.

4. ...and I am telling you, I'm not impressed. In fact, I'm a little distraught. I understand J. Hud needs to turn heads and scout for attention, but this dress is a sack full of nasty-ass (to be fair, she is attracting attention). However, it doesn't flatter her figure in the slightest. You'd think after last year's pitfall, she'd have learned her lesson. Um, no. Instead, she decided to one up herself.

3. I know what you're thinking - "you unloyal POS fan". Okay, before you run towards me with pitchforks and hatchets, this hideous lapse of fashion judgement does not (I repeat does NOT) alter my loving perception of her. She's still my Diablo and I heart her anyways (despite her hard-on for leopard print). I just wish she looked more Glamorous Hollywood for her deserved Oscar win, and less Jungle Fever. All that's missing is her Boa Constructor (or rather, feather Boa?).

2. I reaally don't want to talk about it! Despite Daniel Day Lewis's talent, his "style" remains unfortunately consistent. Apparently fashion and performance don't necessarily go hand in hand. However, the worst part about this disaster zone is his accessory (my apologies Ms. Lewis). My attention was directed at her shoulders, then my eyes worked downwards (Jeweled broaches and all) till my corneas burned out. At least they're still cute together and boy can he act!

1. Tilda Swinton, where do you get these ideas? Yet, does this really surprise anybody? She was my personal pick for Supporting Actress, but that doesn't mean her performance inspired much confidence for her "fashion taste". It looks as though she stomped on over to the nearest fabric store, grabbed a couple yards of charcoal colored velvet and wrapped it around herself. I dunno, maybe she was cold. In any case, I'm glad she won. It was well deserved. God love her.

BEST DRESSED:

To me, the best dressed of the night needs no explanation. They simply need to be stared at for all eternity, and learned from by the aforementioned train wrecks.

5. Cameron Diaz

4. Heidi Klum

3. Laura Linney

2. Jennifer Garner

1. Penelope Cruz